Forge of Creation 3 - Submissions!

I am currently asigning everyone's heroes, so please wait, Once I asign everyone, I will post it in the first post here. This is the thread you will post your ideas in as well. First post is subject to being edited later. (probably tomorrow)

• Unscathed - Enigma -
• BKVoiceover - Faceless Void
• kkoopman3 - Dazzle
• Smugggles - Axe -
• TheSofa - Lone Druid
• Yzreel - Zeus -
• Terathiel - Bristleback -
• ThreadOfFate - Chaos Knight -
• porygon361 - Invoker -
• oldKainen - Visage
• Cuttleboss - Abaddon
• Kodyababa - Magnus

Each story has "marking guidelines", based on which you'll be able to rate the story. The categories are :

• Relashionship - Your story must not be way too out of place (has to still relate to the dota 2 universe - containing the heroes's names for example makes you eligibile for this)
• Length - Nobody is here to read dime novels. Make sure it is of proper length, not too short but not too long either.
• Originality - New elements in each story? How original do you think each is? And why?
• Coherence - This is mostly about making each of them readable. Possitioning in the page, placing every comma or question mark is important here. You are making these so people read it, and if people get tired reading it... there's no point in making them.

You have one week to post each submission starting this Wednesday. Deleted all the comments in the thread that aren't submissions.

Edit: I'm gonna lose this one. Arrogance got the best of me

First to submit, once again.

Sup, guys? I'm Unscathed, a 13 year old boy with a dream to be a writer. Im from asia, but still my favourite language is english. Here, I made a poem about Enigma. I assume my talents will go wasted by making a poem, but oh well, I want to do this. I tried to make a bardic style song, but apparently it goes off a little too far from a bardic poem, but still OK. And the song is as if you are telling this story to a child. Yes, because scary stories are fitting to be told to a child. So enjoy! And give good ratings!

Not sure what you guys would think, though. Because there is no audio support, which is essential for this type of arts.




Long, ages past
The stars lived in harmony
Undisturbed by the world
Fashioning the galaxies

But then the Mad Moon comes,
And when it unseals itself,
The nearby stars felt mortality

The galaxy empty,
The stars ceased to be
But then a star survived unwillingly

Name long forgotten
Form terrifying
An Enigma to its home
It's goals unclear, madness overcomes


The cosmos it wanders
The black sphere it summons
Worlds it devours
Chaos it desires

For he hunger for worlds
His Eidolons as his army
The Black Hole's his mouth
Malefices it spreads
Mortals' his food


Pray, oh dear child
Pray the Enigma finds you not
Pray, oh dear child
Pray the Enigma come here not
Pray our world is safe
Pray our world untainted from his touch



New Lore:
-Is NOT a Fundamental
-Is a remains of a dead star (when stars are destroyed/died, they became black holes. For most, at least)
-Is a mad entity with goals to devour the whole universe

Old Lore:
-IS a Fundamental
-A natural being of destructions, devouring worlds and sower of chaos
-Based on the written Lore, true backgrounds are still anonymous


So for some of you who didnt know about a black hole, it is not an actual hole. It is acutally a big black sphere (even in-game Black Hole is actually a sphere). So for what I am doing here: I remembered Enigma being one of the fundamentals, but this is a lore rework, so I assume I can remove all the fundamentals as an aspect from this lore. I also tried to relate to the dota world, as the Mad Moon itself. I also tried to relate the influence each of the ancients had. In this song, Enigma was influenced by a shard of a direstone. But as with all hero lores, I decided not to mention Dire and Radiant much. Because this way Enigma seemed to be a much more independent being. It has some mentions of his spells, Demonic Conversion and Malefice. I tried not to use hard space vocabs, but oh well. Galaxy is needed. For you who dont know, galaxy is some parts of universe. In the space/universe, there are many galaxies. We are living in one galaxy. So a galaxy is like a big region in space/universe. I decided to make that all stars in the galaxy of dota planet extinct, but not in the whole space/universe.

Sidenote to those who would vote later on, what do you think of my writing skills? Im 13 currently, and my friend said to me that my writing skills are nice for my age. Some words he didnt understand(also because our native language is not english, but still). But hard words mean good writings, right?

And for some few times, I will be updating this a bit because it needs little changes and explanations more.


References:
Enigma at the Gamepedia
The Mad Moon at the Gamepedia

Short Notes:
Im 13 and want to be a writer. Advices are welcomed
Hard words= Good writes
And for BKVOICEOVER, you are free to make a song as well. I gave you my permission to use my idea



GL HF

No. The reason here is that everyone should start out on an equal footing. Plus, why would I do that, when you already misspelt your protest title?



It should be "Is my rich bank".


Simply put : No. You respect the criteria set already made. Nobody forces you to participate in the contest if you do not like it.

Little jelly that pory got Invoker but here we go :P.

---

The Chaos Knight

For Nessaj, life was about survival. A constant struggle against nature that forced a man to the most desperate measures in order to win the day.

He never knew family. Never knew the daytime. Never knew hope. For days on end he would wander aimlessly through the jungle, sheltered from the sun by the thick canopy of trees overhead; they blocked out all semblance of light.

Nessaj had the same routine every day. Wake up, brave the carnivorous inhabitants of The Hoven in search of food, sleep until the routine needed to repeat itself. For all of his twenty years of life he had performed this menial series of tasks, purely to keep himself alive. And so it would continue until one particularly strong Diretide.

Even trapped in the forests of The Hoven, one could feel the malefic forces of Diretide, a constant wailing in your ear. Like prisoners, begging for death. It was a time that families locked their doors and barred their windows to prevent the terrors of the night from affecting them.

It was this Diretide that saw an artificer taking a shortcut through the forest, eager to get home as soon as humanly possible.

And so fate brought him to Nessaj's abode, knocking at the makeshift wooden door with trembling hands.

Not even Nessaj knows exactly what happened next, except that the mysterious artificer paid him a crimson helmet, in return for directions.

Agony. Searing hot pain burned through his veins once the helmet was worn. It tore at is mind, scraping at his conscience in an attempt to take control. It was a pure force of evil that planted his influence in the ruins of Nessaj's mind that day. One that had a single goal in mind.

To this day, on particularly muggy Diretide evenings, you could still catch a glimpse of a cursed stallion's burning eyes, or the pained, harrowed cries of a human, forever enslaved to chaos.

---

Ok in all honestly I MIGHT edit this later, but I feel that this works.

I will say that I don't mention Armageddon until the final paragraph, but I couldn't find a good way of fitting him in.

Bristleback... a hero I have literally no experience with. So I looked at his model, and decided to go with something featuring the eyepatch he wears.
____________________________________________________________________

Life is fleeting. Meat rots, flesh decays, and all that is left when the meat is in the ground is a person's reputation. Reputation was important to Rigwarl - a champion of forgotten ages. The West had once been in complete awe of the diminutive fighter, who was undefeated. A warrior, they said, who had bargained with supernatural forces for his prowess.

This, of course, was just a myth. Rigwarl's combat prowess, while crude amongst the knights of the Western Kingdoms, had not come from daemonic pacts but from Rigwarl's Bristleback heritage, a violent race where any wrong move could escalate into a fatal brawl. Tired of this meaningless hatred, Rigwarl left his home to travel, and became the undefeated fighter he was.

Was. Still he seethes at the thought of the only one who defeated him, shattered his reputation and heaped upon him the scorn of a realm and taken his eye as a trophy to hang on his Tusks. Humiliated, Rigwarl left the West to hunt Ymir and exact revenge - a fight, this time, to the death.

He has pursued him far, across ages and countries. The world is drawing close to its end, and Rigwarl is determined to stand atop the ashes of the Ancients clutching the bloody corpse of the Tusk, even as eternal twilight falls upon the realms. For only then will he have regained his reputation.

I had intended for my lore to be a lot shorter, but I decided to add sections that make the story more complete. I'm not doing this to win anyway, I'm simply practicing for an English composition examination I will be having in a month's time. So, enjoy the lore and PM me any grammatical errors that I may have missed :).



EDIT: I may edit this post to shorten the story before the deadline. Is that allowed?

---

The era when magic was still a novel concept, ready to mould the hearts and minds of its wielders, was the time Kael was born. Legends depict him as the Invoker, a prodigy of astounding mental capacity, able to cast a plethora of spells based on nothing but his own memory. Even at a young age, his strength had surpassed that of his elders, and he soon became one of the most powerful magi in the region. But that wasn't enough for the ambitious magician. He aspired to be the strongest magus alive. He began strengthening his arsenal with powerful spells, never hesitating to test his new-found abilities on anything in the vicinity. With a single cast of Cold Snap, he had frozen a keen in an icy stasis, while a stray Chaos Meteor led to the incineration of an entire forest. Yet Kael felt no remorse for his wrongdoings, and each subsequent incantation did more and more damage.

After mastering his spells, Kael felt invincible; he had even casted the Sempiternal Cantrap to ensure his continual existence. His magical power consolidated, he set his sights on the world, single-handedly conquering regions of the magical kingdoms with threats of destruction by his hand.

Receiving word of Kael's actions, the Hidden Council knew that something must be done to quell his ambitions, lest he takes the world over by force. At that point, Kael, the so-called "Arsenal Magus", was at the peak of his power, and they decided it was impossible to kill him. Thus they devised an alternative plan that would rid him from the world forever.


With a full moon hanging in the sky, Kael was asleep in his quarters at the top of his tower. However, he was disturbed from his slumber when he detected magic suffusing throughout the room and jolted awake to see a group of magi encircling his motionless body, preparing to perform an arcane ritual. Immediately he swept them off the tower with a surge of energy, and they landed softly on the ground, unharmed. Kael readied himself at the top of the tower, an advantageous position for any caster to wield his magic. For a moment, there was silence, each side quietly contemplating the other's next move. Suddenly, the still night air was interrupted by the pop and crackle of arcane energies, and the battle had begun. One can witness even from a distance an extraordinary display of magical prowess. Spectators looked on in awe, oblivious of the significance of this seemingly-routine battle of magi.

The battle had lasted for hours. The magi of the Council had tired, but Kael remained strong and energetic. He inevitably overwhelmed the magi with his spells, imbued with great power and cast with absolute precision. As he taunted and jeered at the defeated spellcasters, one magus poured out what remained of his energy, encasing Kael in a magical prison. Kael's pride and overconfidence proved to be his downfall.

In the confines of the prison, hidden under layer upon layer of earth, Kael waited, meditating on his spells day and night. With each passing year, the enchantments of the prison grew weaker and weaker, until one day it was brittle enough for Kael to shatter it with his magical power. The outburst drained him of his energy, but in time he will regain his former strength and when he does, he will resume his plan of world domination once more.

Zeus the Lord of Olympus

It was time immemorial, pitch darkness reigned mighty and the vilest of creatures inhabited the plane. There was neither night nor day; there was neither time nor space. There was only darkness, darkness as far as the eye can see, darkness as deep as senses can feel.

The Titans looked into the plane, thinking to meld a new element into the plane, and thus, in the midst of darkness a faint crackle was heard. The crackle grew to spark, and with that, the first roaring thunder befell the plane. Brilliant light of the thunder lasted for decades, wiping the night and all its creatures amidst a deafening rumble. Creatures of the plane-crippled by terrors of the night creatures-started to worship the bright light and called it as the First Day. The creatures worshipped the first thunder, calling it with reverence as Zeus, and treated it as the father of all ensuing thunders.

Eons passed, and the first thunder was then replaced by the invention of sun, but not for a moment did the creatures stop worshipping Zeus. Being worshipped for as long as it existed, the first thunder grew conscience, believing itself to be Zeus-or as called by creatures of the plane-the Lord of Olympus.

Craving for more reverence, Zeus strived to descend into mortal plane, to show himself as the God they were worshipping. Eons' worth of work finally paid off, and as he invented a spell later known as the Sempiternal Cantrap he became a quasi-immortal, descending into the plane with no memory of his past, only remembering few things: his craving of reverence, the arrogance it bore, and the name Zeus, the Lord of Olympus.

---

Reference: The First Day and the Titans

Editing after posting is not allowed.

Ah ok. Good thing I haven't :)

Ok, so I'll just leave it as it is.